matilda36: (Default)
 This morning, a colleague who is working for start up website about books, asked me to be a contributor. My reply was Hell Yeah. Because that's what I'd love to you. Writing about books, doing reviews and creative writing work. It's a small step, but one in the righjt direction. Maybe I need to dust up my goodreads subscription and dust up my essay writing skills.

Maybe I can try even here on my blog. I know that I use this mostly to moan about my personal feelings, my medications and the boredom that are my days, but I need to write more, if I want to make writing my job.

I have lost my style. I used to have a fluid style of writing, with a nice flow, now It's all: I worked two days this week, I am bored, I am going to work early tomorrow because it's snowing and I need to find parking. and other brilliant thoughts. 

I need to find again my writing mojo. 


Jan. 19th, 2013 11:06 am
matilda36: (Default)
I had a good week, full of people. I was supposed to be alone today and tomorrow, but my dad's coming over for money and a shower (He lives in a place without hot water, please don't ask, he's my father he cannot do things the easy way).

I am happy to have him here, even if it's just for two days (or maybe because it's just for two days).

Wellbutrin keeps working. I can't have my morning nap anymore. Instead I have lovely early nights after all the other meds have made me sleepy.

A friend suggested that I use a bit of my time to write. She meant to write another one of those real life stories about how I deal with my illness, but I have no plans whatsoever to write one. I write what I need here and that's enough.

I would love to write a novel, something completely different. I have ideas, but I seem to have lost my mojo. My most recent entries are dry and boring. I can't seem to find a writing flow. Maybe I need to write more.

Mixed me

May. 31st, 2011 02:43 pm
matilda36: (Default)
Last week was ok. Finished cleaning the house on Monday, went to the hairdresser on Tuesday (now my hair is even shorter than last time, so short that it can't even curl), worked, started feeling the strain of all that activity decided to make Friday and Saturday Nothing days (Nothing days are the days in which I decide that it's ok for me to rest without feeling guilty, because I need them). Sunday was back to work and yesterday... I already updated on yesterday's craziness.

Today and tomorrow I am home and those are not Nothing days.

So today I made eggplant pasta (my first time cooking eggplant and it worked nicely) and worked on the large pile of papers with bank written on it.

I hadn't looked at my bank statements in more of an year I have to admit, but now they are all neatly arranged in their folders. I don't make a lot of money, with working part time and all that, but I get by. I still need my father's help to pay for my car, but I get by.

But if I have to keep doing that I need to be good  and get better at tracking my money. It's so easy to spend it...

Now I should get on with the actual house cleaning but knowing me I'll probably end up reading HP porn instead. I found some fics that reminded me why I kept away from the Harry Potter fandom for so long. A 16 year old Harry having sex with a werewolf is a bit too much for me to stomach. And to think that there were people who left lj in an huffy to defend their right to write and read stuff like that.

I mean I am all for freedom of expression, and I support erotic writing and art, even porn... but there are things done just to see how far you can push the boundaries and I am not sure how I feel about those.

And speaking of fics, I have a good bunny for the Asexual!Bigbang. Yeah going from not writing to writing a big bang may be just a bit too much. We'll see.


Nov. 7th, 2008 07:23 am
matilda36: (child and snow)

You may have noticed an increase in posting recently. This is  because I am trying to complete NaBloPoMo

You may ask: you are an outspoken critic of NaNoWriMo, why try something similar?

Both are about writing and both take place over a month. The similarities end here.
NaNoWriMo is about kicking your Muse until she gives you 50,000 words, with no quality control. NaBloPoMo is about writing in your diary every day for a month.

As for why I am doing it...

I want to rediscover why I started blogging, to rediscover that shy enthusiasm that made me build my virtual home.

I need grounding. I need something to accomplish that will bear me fruits of in a relatively short time. Over the last year, I have lost my internal discipline and while it's nice to be more relaxed, I need the discipline to learn, exercise and make good use of my not working time. I hope that this small success will be an encouragement.

Ideas on what I should blog about, encouragement and opinions are needed. 


Jun. 7th, 2007 01:59 pm
matilda36: (Deep bookgeek)
matilda36: (Hiding smirk)
[profile] ebi_chan and I are writing a M/M/F threesome and i am looking for inspiration.

Anybody got any good M/M/F stories to rec us? Any fandom, any pairing (I will even read Kate from Lost), any rating. 
matilda36: (Default)

Just because I am a literary outlaw.

Who is your all time favourite writer? Bonus point if you tell me why.

matilda36: (sacred cows)

I was talking with and then I read this bit from James Joyce wikipedia page:

Joyce remained in Dublin for some time longer, drinking heavily. After one of these drinking binges, he got into a fight over a misunderstanding with a man in Phoenix Park; he was picked up and dusted off by a minor acquaintance of his father's, Alfred H. Hunter, who brought him into his home to tend to his injuries.[7] Hunter was rumored to be a Jew and to have an unfaithful wife, and would serve as one of the models for Leopold Bloom, the main protagonist of Ulysses.

now I am stuck with a bunny about Hunter being Odysseus and into the stream of consciousness of the possible conversations between a very drunk Joyce and a very drunk and maudlin Ody.

You lot are soooo lucky I never write any of these stories...

matilda36: (Blindfolded)
It's grey, cold and raining outside. You light some candles, maybe some "soft leather" incense. Put some music on... maybe Norah Jones or why not >Leonard Cohen. You are wrapped up in your favourite warm robe and with your favourite drink by your side.

What do you need now? Just some amazingly good kinky art and fic to keep you hot and bothered. Where do you go?

I go to [profile] dirty_fic
matilda36: (good or bad)
I spent quite a lot of time with my big sis [profile] cleo1969 discussing the damage inflicted on new writers by bad fic and bad feedback.
I know that livejournal is full of such discussions... it is one place where a lot of fic and feedback goes around, but I am in a place at the moment in which writing for me is a pretty tricky subject, as my mate, [profile] toby_white_wolf , [profile] joereaves , [personal profile] teigh_corvus , [profile] japeweird and a few others that had to deal with my temper tantrums recently know well. Yesterday they managed to persuade me to write a fic. I started a second one, then I read a very bad fic, with bad feedback included and I simply closed the file.  I am feeling fragile in my writing at the moment, so I decided instead to post this, trying to clear my mind on the subject a little with hopefully a little help from my f-list.
I am a terrible perfectionist. At my annual review my boss had to argue with me because I always thought he was too generous with my markings. I also have a low self esteem, and I tend to be easily discouraged by compliments. Yes, by compliments. Flames i ignore. Criticism I listen to, compliments... I don't believe them. 

That's why I do hate feedback of the "Good job" quality. Leaving aside the issue of the the good intentions of leaving this kind of feedback, I think it is not only useless, but also damaging to writers, new or old alike for the following reasons:

1) This kind of comment tend to be given indiscriminately,  not helping other readers to discriminate.
2) and not helping new writers in understanding what is good, what simply fits the models and what is seriously bad.
3) No fic and no writer is perfect. Part of the writer's job, as [personal profile] moonshayde was pointing out so eloquently recently is to keep learning . Feedback is one way to point out to a writer what they are doing right and what they are doing wrong. If you don't want to tell them what's wrong, at least tell them what they did particularly right.
4) Even pointing out good things is helpful to other readers that in this way may get to look at a fic in a different way.

I think I could go on for a couple of hours here, but I'll stop here and open up the discussion to the floor.
How do you like your feedback? Do you think that every fic deserve a kind word or should we be discerning? Writers do you find the feedback left to you useful?

ETA: Thanks to everybody who has until now partecipated to the dicussion. You are being terrific, helping me a lot and I want more!
And to encourage you I was just checking Fandom_Wank and found this:
matilda36: (Notebook)
To writers:

What do you ask of your beta?

To Betas:

What do you offer to your writers?

matilda36: (HO suits no words)
Read more... )
matilda36: (HO suits no words)

I am completely an utterly crazy. And before you lot can go duh! I'll tell you why.

I spent most of last week in a panicked frenzy of the kind I don't want to write anymore and then I go and claim Hector/Odysseus at the [profile] sylum_challenge . (prompts table next post) Why oh why? Just because I love Ody. I love my Ody and I am weirdly possessive of him. I did want him to have the chance to tell his story, with a little help from his mate (that has already committed himself to RP most of the prompts and help me to get his voice right, because my Ody will be the way he is without his Hector... ) Storytelling is after all one of Odysseus'skills, one that saved his life more than once.

My love for the character is stronger of my fear and pain? It may take a while for me and you to get the please be gentle with the poking but I want to give it a try. Because I am crazy. And because [profile] joereaves and [profile] toby_white_wolf talked me into it.

Author's note. My characters are going to be closer to Homeric canon and our RP than to Troy. The only thing we are going to have in common is Sylum canon (thanks to [personal profile] one_side2002 for giving us such good background to work with. Thank you my child) and Sean Bean and Eric Bana.

matilda36: (Blindfolded)
I cried and thought and cried and thought and watched X- Files and cried and thought about it all day and I think I finally found out what is the matter with me and writing..

I am grateful to you all my friends who very kindly keep encouraging me by asking for more fic. I love you dearly, I love betaing, giving bunnies and helping  nourish all your writing talents in everyway I can, but your encouragements, requests for fics and praise of my writing talents are making me feel a bit tense. And this is not your fault, it's just the way I am.

Bear with me and I will try to explain.

I have always written in one form or another…but it has always been a need coming straight from my heart. I started with poetry because I had things I needed to express and free verse was the easy way and could be easily hidden in a drawer once written. No Alpha, no Beta, no need to re-read.

Writing this way, straight from the guts tends to be a pretty painful process. And even now, when I am trying my hand at different kind of writings that should be pleasurable like the woodhousian comedy of the Pignapping Saga, run of the  mill porn, little lyrical interludes, plotted snippets and whatever I try my hand on, this pain associated with writing doesn't go away.
Writing does give me little to none pleasure at the moment. Stuff goes out unbetaed because otherwise it never goes out. My hard drive is full of  half written pieces whose first draft caused pain and the second caused me to run away.

Also I am never been naïve enough to believe that we write for ourselves. Massive doses of Isherwood and burroughs cured me of this illusion years ago.

Also I have been around fandom long enough to get frustrated by the constant spam of fic written “for themselves” by writers that keep inflicting chapter after chapter of their badly written stuff on the unsuspecting public. (No reference to anybody on my F-list here. If you are going to spam me with rubbish, you aren't on my F-list) I don’t wanna be a BNF in any fandom or have hordes of worshipping minions, but I want to be sure that what I send out is good enough for me.

Only I tend to be just a bit of a perfectionist (the only woman in my previous job that argued that her evaluation was too good) and writing tend to bring out this side of my character. Nothing I will write would be good enough. Last time I posted something it took the efforts of two betas to have me post it. And in the end one of the betas did it for me.

So…I need to stop and think, re-evaluate my reasons for writing and find out if I can do it while enjoying it. 

If I can do it believing believing positive comments (again, I know you are honest folks, I't me I simply cannot believe there is anything positive to be said about me).
If I can do it without systematically hating everything I write.
If I can do it without hating every fucking second of the creative process from the moment in which the words start forming in my brain to the moment I read the comments to the betaed and posted piece.

If I can’t I’ll express myself through photography or gardening or doing beta ( activity that gives me the greatest pleasure. I love helping writers, helping talent bloom and get recognition.) and writing non fic, until I will be ready

Hope this does make a bit more sense than what I wrote yesterday…and that I meneged not to offend too many people.

Thank you for your comments. They have been very useful in helping me to clarify and focus what the problem really was i.e. me.

You are real, precious friends, and I value you and your input greatly, so please be kind and make me hear your voices once again.


matilda36: (Default)

now that I have started to pretty up my journal ( thank [profile] japeweird for the tips on more boxes, I'll work on that once I am fully awake) I am going to try and be better at keeping it updated. And not only with my usual been there, done that here are the pics or my emotional outbursts.

But my first task is to have a serious chat with my Muse that goes beyond the usual:

Alex: approaching muse carefully Ahem, excuse me, sorry, I sort of kind like thought maybe if you fancy we could, i dunno maybe...obviously only if you want...perhaps... mumbles writeabit?

Muse: Filing her fingernails No. I got am headache tonight.

Alex: Ok goes away to another day without writing.
matilda36: (Default)
Been rather PMSed most of last week, feeling also the first real tastes of hot summer. Did I already mention I hate hot weather? It makes me sluggish.

Saturday's Council meeting was fun *waves and hugs to all the council members, especially to Sparty*

My muse still sluggish, but I am nursing a couple of multidisciplinary projects. Darn you Larabee...

Today I seriously need to do my legs if I do want to start swimming tomorrow. 
I need to clean my house too and give some love to my garden too. And attempt to catch up with my Sylum inbox too, but that's for tomorrow, I think. 

Domestic Matilda today it will need to be.
Domestic but not domesticated...yesterday I was at a medieval reenactment and I was looking at the stalls. and two things got my attention: a buddist monk statue and a beautiful replica sword.

Confused? Me?


matilda36: (Default)

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