Gone fishing
Aug. 6th, 2005 08:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matilda36Been a bit down recently. Or maybe a better definition is in a funk. Anyway I have not been at peace with myself and the world around me. I argued with my doctor, who I know he's right, but you do not have to tell me he's right, but to the sulking little girl living somewhere in my brain, my father has been my father more than usual his usual self, i.e. he means well, but he doesn't realise how much it costs me his meaning well, and I have generally been hell to be around to for anybody else. Communication has been difficult, irritation and sulking have been options, and I have been a general pain in the arse.
if this can be of comfort to those who had to put up with me, every time I say, do or write something, I regret it deeply straight away.
I feel as if the last year, spent mostly trying to put together the splintered parts of my soul, has passed in vain. As all my other attempts to...happiness? No, no use for that forbidden word, I'll say to fit in, to feel normal, to... live.
But today I am going on holiday. My period arrived yesterday, and as usual the blood flow relaxed me a bit. My new sub-buffer is perfect to listen to Ian Boastridge. I am getting rid of the parents and this will leave me and the goldfish alone with a remote control, last night House taped and the Athletics World Championship. My Broadband has finally reached the 4.8MB speed and all these little details mean that I can do what the rest of Italy does. Hang up in front of my brain a "Gone fishing" sign and come back the 16th.
if this can be of comfort to those who had to put up with me, every time I say, do or write something, I regret it deeply straight away.
I feel as if the last year, spent mostly trying to put together the splintered parts of my soul, has passed in vain. As all my other attempts to...happiness? No, no use for that forbidden word, I'll say to fit in, to feel normal, to... live.
But today I am going on holiday. My period arrived yesterday, and as usual the blood flow relaxed me a bit. My new sub-buffer is perfect to listen to Ian Boastridge. I am getting rid of the parents and this will leave me and the goldfish alone with a remote control, last night House taped and the Athletics World Championship. My Broadband has finally reached the 4.8MB speed and all these little details mean that I can do what the rest of Italy does. Hang up in front of my brain a "Gone fishing" sign and come back the 16th.
