Dec. 18th, 2013 04:04 pm
matilda36: (Default)
 We lost enough customers to put in doubt our Christmas bonus. And that's a problem because I need it.Taxes and repairs (I had to call the plumber for the kitchen sink and I had to take my laptop to repair) mean money going out like a water leak.

The good part is that the taxes aren't all that high and there are no added taxes to my rent, but it means that i have to sit down and manage my expenses.

I had my father here for nearly a week. It has been a pleasure and it will be a pleasure again to see him at Christmas, but he was getting restless and that was messing my karma. I wanted to use him as a slave to clean the house, but we ended up doing the usual things. Playing comupter games, reading, watching hockey...

I am going to have a lovely early night tonight enjoying having my bed all for me. In the meantime I'll wash my dishes in my newly functioning sink and read a bit.

matilda36: (Default)
 Tonight I see my dad. I don't know why, but I am very excited about it. He's just coming to leave me some documents and we are going to get a bite to eat afterwards, but I am happy to see him.

I love my father dearly and while I know he can be quite moody especially if I push him a bit, today I couldn't help myself. I miss him. I called him three or four times this week. It must be something. 

I am keeping it this training thing. For job hunting I am in two mind: go the traditional way and look for a job like the one I have: retail, office, but under a boss or try to branch out on my own. I am trying tobranch out with this blog thing, but can I stand the pressure of working on my own and full time. Now I am bored and I'd gladly work my 24 hours a week instead of the current 12, but more than that? I know, I know., I shouldn't allow my illness to stop my dreams,'s a worthy excuse.

Maybe I should try to blog about this. Create a blog as a reference point for bipolars. Maybe create a network. I am tired of seeing things for mentally ill people done by families or mental health professional, I'd like to see a forum, a network of bipolars. Especially those who like me are well enough to lead a life.

Worth thinking about. Maybe run it by my doctor next time I see him.
matilda36: (daisy)
 The father of two of my friends died last week. I am sorry for them, but they are 5 brothers and sisters, all married with children and they can share the load.

When my father will die I will be alone. Completely alone. Yes I will have some friends and family, but it will not be the same. After the funeral it will be me mourning.

The whole idea, ruined this day of sun and made me cry. But my father is healthy and still going, and I hope he'll be that way for a long time. The important thing is that he will be with me., for as long as possible.

Miss you

Dec. 16th, 2012 07:25 pm
matilda36: (Default)

My best friend from school mother died yesterday. They are having the service tomorrow. I'll be there for her. It has been a very painful illness, and it's one of those times when you say she's better off now.

But those left behind are not better off, they have left somebody dear to their heart and their lives are emptier.

I have been there and I am not sure I have forgiven my mother for dieing after nearly 17 years. She was a witch but I loved her and today I miss her more than ever.

On other news, it's 3 days that both of my father's phones send me straight to voicemail.
matilda36: (Default)
Quiet week at work, we are all getting used to the return of the boss and hopefully that things will get better with him and not the civil war that had exploded since he left.

Yestreday I made a mistake. I drank Coca Cola. I think I am allergic to it or something like that because I just get drunk and frantic on it, so I ended up chaotic and I had problems sleeping.

Today I am taking my dad to see a neurologist. After the last accident we are all a bit nervous.   What if it's the beginning of Parkinson? What if it's simply his age catching up?. I dunno, I really dunno, but I hope for some answers and I look forward to a nice afternoon with him. 
matilda36: (i am done pretending)
Last week it was supposed to be my week off so after my dad got better and left (no point in getting him to rest if he doesn't want, he'll just get paranoid) I was ready to relax.
Instead I ended up having to not only go to work, but to do some overtime, because one of my colleague's mother was in the hospital.

Most of my acquired shifts were morning shifts and that was the worst thing. I need my naps or at least I need to be able to wake up slowly in the morning, otherwise I get grumpy.

Yesterday and today I had long naps and now I am feeling much better. Saturday was payday and I managed to get all my bills paid and my house a bit less chaotic. This cheered me up a lot.

Tomorrow morning I have a quite packed schedule: taking my dad to his blood tests and to get his documents sorted and then I am giving a gift to one of my colleagues that needs it. Oh and work in the afternoon.

But it's gonne be good, because on wednesday I can nap all day if I want. Delightful.And deeply needed


Mar. 4th, 2012 09:45 am
matilda36: (Default)

My dad has just told me that I am his oasis of peace.

Coming from him, it made me cry.


Mar. 3rd, 2012 01:39 pm
matilda36: (Wall)
My father's here, at least for a few days. He arrived here yesterday morning begging for a doctor. He has bronchitis, an urinary tract infection and he's tired. Yesterday he could barely stand. Today it's slightly better, he managed to eat something and he's slightly more awake.

He did just work himself to the ground, living off stress since the new year.

I am only grateful that this time he did come to me and he has decided to stay with me till he feels better. Other times he spent those moments of health crisis alone in his cave, now he comes to me.

Probably it's his age creeping up to him. And to me. 


Feb. 21st, 2012 10:57 am
matilda36: (daisy)
This morning I went for a walk. Just running a couple of errands, but it felt good. Yesterday I spent the day in bed reading Harry Potter, so I needed the boost.

Last week I had very few naps and I think it was good for me. The new dosage of Cipralex is making me a bit hypomaniac, but it feels good. I hasn't given me the strenght to do a lot of things, but for now my target is to stay awake in the morning.

I have been quite busy. My dad was in full stress so he did come here for a couple of days, jut to relax. We are both broke at the moment so we helped each other a bit. I am very broke at the moment. I am thinking to ask for a week off so I can stay home, walk and save money.

Today I had to put some petrol in my car and get the only med I have to pay for. Sigh.

Oh well, I'll make it till payday.

At work the atmosphere is tense. Tonight there's gonna be a meeting with all the managers that I think will end up a bloodbath, but that I hope will make everybody's life easier. We can't work well divided, not talking to each other and with the gossip mill spinning fast. Personally I think that everybody has good points and bad points, so there are no clear winners and I have reached a position of neutrality that suits me. I am not stressed out and that's good for me.

All in all I am in good place
matilda36: (brad back)
I have a new favourite website: Check out the shop: made for women from women. And the films are quite good too. A warning: it's definitely NSFW.

I am quite perky today. I am going to Ikea with my dad. Now, I know a lot of people don't think there's anything fun with a trip to Ikea in December, but I am in an holiday mood, and shopping is part of the holiday mood. Speaking of shopping I may have found the laptop I want. It's slightly more expensive than I planned, but it's solid and I need something that can take my high level usage. Now I just have to see if the size of my Christmas bonus matches it.

I think that the thing that makes me happy about Ikea is that I get to spend some time with my dad. We haven't had an afternoon together in a while and they always make me happy.

In other news I am rereading [ profile] zelda_zee The Exchange: . Hot porny threesome with an incredible erotic tension.

Moving on

Nov. 14th, 2009 09:46 am
matilda36: (Default)
Still having a cold. Luckily the only side effect of mixing meds appears to be a bit of an headache, but no loopiness. Sorry folks.

Off to work in a bit. It's probably going to be a slow 5 hours, but I should be able to watch at least part of Italy Vs New Zealand. We are going to be completely crunched, but I always like how our boys at least try. And apparenlty Mallet, our coach has a long term plan. (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, it's rugby folks)

The best news? My dad is picking me up from work. He's just coming to watch the game and bring me back the car I lent him, but I miss the days together we had over the summer. Maybe I should arrange to go and help with the move a day next week. I'll probably spend the day alphabetising books while he works, but I like the idea of doing something for our future together. Him moving ahead of me It's making psychologically easy the move for me, but... I think I am ready to do something concrete for our future.

My weekend

Sep. 23rd, 2007 06:24 pm
matilda36: (Default)

Love you all as always
matilda36: (Default)
I have my bicycle back !

On the Small ads in the local paper i found a nice man who comes to your home and fixes it for the same price than it costs you to bring it to the shop and have it fixed.  He's an elderly gentleman, who collects old bikes, fixes them and sells them to those who, like me, prefers their bikes sturdy and fixable.

Just got back from the test run and I missed flying so much... I always preferred my bike to every other mean of transportation. I spent most of my childhood summers riding. It was flying... and I am flying once again.

Just in time for my first evening shift tonight. I am going to be working every day from now until Sunday, because they are giving me intensive training.  Still liking the job and the environment... Told my father and he was happy for me ( you never know with him... )

Just feeling a bit weird about working, about having so much of my time away from my nest. But it's exactly what i needed.

Anyway... I will try to be around as much as i can, but probably not so much at least until next week.

Still love you all, still just an email away.
matilda36: (Orange candles)

Going to see my father today. We are going to discuss the Uk move masterplan and hopefully have a good time together.

Please send good vibes our way. We are fragile too.

matilda36: (groping)
Mine was good. I went to a street festival on Saturday, had Italian spicy sausage, German beer and Austrian Strudel and and enjoyed music and dance from all over the world.

Then came home to enjoy as usual Doctor Who commentary by the lovely    [profile] joereaves    (hey hon, it's not my fault your mate got bunnied. Not at all.) Her comments make the episodes even better. On Sunday I went to Parma to be with my dad and did come back with a bagful of books. I re-read The Waste Land on the train... it's still a great poem, walking the fine balance between the intimate and the patronising with the arrogance that all poets must have.

Today it's back to work, and the day with my father gave me new strenght to follow my dreams.

*waves to the CPWA members* hey should we have sekrit handshakes?


matilda36: (Default)

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