matilda36

 We lost enough customers to put in doubt our Christmas bonus. And that's a problem because I need it.Taxes and repairs (I had to call the plumber for the kitchen sink and I had to take my laptop to repair) mean money going out like a water leak.

 The father of two of my friends died last week. I am sorry for them, but they are 5 brothers and sisters, all married with children and they can share the load.

When my father will die I will be alone. Completely alone. Yes I will have some friends and family, but it will not be the same. After the funeral it will be me mourning.

The whole idea, ruined this day of sun and made me cry. But my father is healthy and still going, and I hope he'll be that way for a long time. The important thing is that he will be with me., for as long as possible.

Quiet week at work, we are all getting used to the return of the boss and hopefully that things will get better with him and not the civil war that had exploded since he left.

Yestreday I made a mistake. I drank Coca Cola. I think I am allergic to it or something like that because I just get drunk and frantic on it, so I ended up chaotic and I had problems sleeping.

Today I am taking my dad to see a neurologist. After the last accident we are all a bit nervous.   What if it's the beginning of Parkinson? What if it's simply his age catching up?. I dunno, I really dunno, but I hope for some answers and I look forward to a nice afternoon with him. 

This morning I went for a walk. Just running a couple of errands, but it felt good. Yesterday I spent the day in bed reading Harry Potter, so I needed the boost.

Last week I had very few naps and I think it was good for me. The new dosage of Cipralex is making me a bit hypomaniac, but it feels good. I hasn't given me the strenght to do a lot of things, but for now my target is to stay awake in the morning.

I have been quite busy. My dad was in full stress so he did come here for a couple of days, jut to relax. We are both broke at the moment so we helped each other a bit. I am very broke at the moment. I am thinking to ask for a week off so I can stay home, walk and save money.

Today I had to put some petrol in my car and get the only med I have to pay for. Sigh.

Oh well, I'll make it till payday.

At work the atmosphere is tense. Tonight there's gonna be a meeting with all the managers that I think will end up a bloodbath, but that I hope will make everybody's life easier. We can't work well divided, not talking to each other and with the gossip mill spinning fast. Personally I think that everybody has good points and bad points, so there are no clear winners and I have reached a position of neutrality that suits me. I am not stressed out and that's good for me.

All in all I am in good place

Still having a cold. Luckily the only side effect of mixing meds appears to be a bit of an headache, but no loopiness. Sorry folks.

Off to work in a bit. It's probably going to be a slow 5 hours, but I should be able to watch at least part of Italy Vs New Zealand. We are going to be completely crunched, but I always like how our boys at least try. And apparenlty Mallet, our coach has a long term plan. (For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, it's rugby folks)

The best news? My dad is picking me up from work. He's just coming to watch the game and bring me back the car I lent him, but I miss the days together we had over the summer. Maybe I should arrange to go and help with the move a day next week. I'll probably spend the day alphabetising books while he works, but I like the idea of doing something for our future together. Him moving ahead of me It's making psychologically easy the move for me, but... I think I am ready to do something concrete for our future.

I have my bicycle back !

On the Small ads in the local paper i found a nice man who comes to your home and fixes it for the same price than it costs you to bring it to the shop and have it fixed.  He's an elderly gentleman, who collects old bikes, fixes them and sells them to those who, like me, prefers their bikes sturdy and fixable.

Just got back from the test run and I missed flying so much... I always preferred my bike to every other mean of transportation. I spent most of my childhood summers riding. It was flying... and I am flying once again.

Just in time for my first evening shift tonight. I am going to be working every day from now until Sunday, because they are giving me intensive training.  Still liking the job and the environment... Told my father and he was happy for me ( you never know with him... )

Just feeling a bit weird about working, about having so much of my time away from my nest. But it's exactly what i needed.

Anyway... I will try to be around as much as i can, but probably not so much at least until next week.

Still love you all, still just an email away.

Mine was good. I went to a street festival on Saturday, had Italian spicy sausage, German beer and Austrian Strudel and and enjoyed music and dance from all over the world.

Then came home to enjoy as usual Doctor Who commentary by the lovely    joereaves    (hey hon, it's not my fault your mate got bunnied. Not at all.) Her comments make the episodes even better. On Sunday I went to Parma to be with my dad and did come back with a bagful of books. I re-read The Waste Land on the train... it's still a great poem, walking the fine balance between the intimate and the patronising with the arrogance that all poets must have.

Today it's back to work, and the day with my father gave me new strenght to follow my dreams.

*waves to the CPWA members* hey should we have sekrit handshakes?