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Aug. 28th, 2005 01:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matilda36We had dinner last night with a cousin of my father and her son, both of whom I love dearly.We used to live next door and my and her son grew up together. Then she lost her husband pretty early and they moved. She felt her loss deeply and sterted living again only when her son had a son. She and her son took up most of the childrising and since the son's wife left, all of it. Both mother and son live their lives around the grandchild, who now is a young man. They dedicated all their life and love to him and especially the granny is now worried that he will start having a life and family of his own.
I was thinking about them this morning and about my friend, the one with the Mantra:"Better a bad man than no man", and I realised that I do not think I would never be able to live my life around another person again.
After a while I feel as if a part of myself is going missing and my life is being stolen and grow resentful, bitchy and I have to recover some distance.
I could use as an excuse the fact that I spent the first 27 years of my life living around my mother, completely dedicated to meet her needs and expectations of me (usually involving absolute devotion to her and incompetency at life).
I could say I am barely learning to like my skin and to enjoy living inside it and I want to do it now.
Or maybe I am simply the selfish, self-centred bitch my mother said.
I was thinking about them this morning and about my friend, the one with the Mantra:"Better a bad man than no man", and I realised that I do not think I would never be able to live my life around another person again.
After a while I feel as if a part of myself is going missing and my life is being stolen and grow resentful, bitchy and I have to recover some distance.
I could use as an excuse the fact that I spent the first 27 years of my life living around my mother, completely dedicated to meet her needs and expectations of me (usually involving absolute devotion to her and incompetency at life).
I could say I am barely learning to like my skin and to enjoy living inside it and I want to do it now.
Or maybe I am simply the selfish, self-centred bitch my mother said.
