The family who shops together...
Apr. 8th, 2005 04:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matilda36This morning took place the dreaded family shopping expedition. I am now exhausted and ready to inflict all the details on you *clue manic laughter*
To understand why dreaded, you have to know that:
1) Shopping malls, give my father panic attacks
2) My dad's partner nickname is Brigadier General Lord Meltchett Montague because she would have done very well in the kaiser army. I love her dearly, don't get me wrong, but she can be very, very scary.
3) When shopping I am an hunter, and when I see my prey, nothing can stop me. Also I like to take my time wandering and looking around. This means that i regularly get lost.
Now, to the expedition itself: at 9004, I was told that no, the shopping mall wasn't closing because of the Pope's funeral and that i was to present myself for inspection in 10 minutes. While closing the door, I was shouted that the lift was waiting for me and to get my arse downstairs.
We reached the car and the General, looking dashing in her desert cammo, had to rearrange it to accommodate all the resources that she consider necessary for her and my father to survive her Big toe surgery next week. Then there was a discussion on who was to drive.
Once reached the mall, there was a scuffle on the money for the shopping trolleys (only two this time) after which the father was sent to park, I was sent to recover the trolleys and the General and I got lost to the Newsagent. We got Terminator 2, Jurassic Park, Nero Wolf and a couple more films.
Then we finally entered the mall. First stop was the typical ritual of the cappuccino with something to eat. General and I got something salty and sarcastic comments on our weight from the father, who was enjoying an honey croissant.(I still does not understand why an honey croissant has less fat than a focaccia triangle, but I'll leave it to my father to explain)
Then I sneaked into the nearby bookshop to buy a book called "What an old cat wants from you" to help the General understand the father's requirements, while the general purchased Winnie the Pooh thingies for her granddaughters.
Then disaster strikes. At 1000hours the Pope's funeral starts. The shopping mall announces a minute of silence, that was interpreted differently by different shops. The bookshop interpreted it as in shut off the music and lower the lights, but the nearby electronics store closed its door for 10 minutes, not allowing customers to leave or enter.
Believing that I was in the store the General was inside, calling my name, while my father was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the show. I finally managed to communicate with the General through the barricades and calmed her with the suggestion that she goes and check if any Sci-Fi box sets are on offer. That worked until the doors were reopened. Unfortunately the only box sets on offer were Star Trek. That seems to be always on sale. I guess that Enterprise did more damage to the franchise than I thought. It was the beagle's fault.
Anyway, we are now ready for some SERIOUS shopping. I'll have you know that our shopping mall boasts the second biggest supermarket in Europe, and after having walked all of it with military precision, i can say that it feels like it too. The coolest thing is that they give you these things that look like zat guns and you can read the bar codes while you do the shopping. So you know how much you are spending at anytime and when you arrive to the check out the girl zap the zat and you can pay and go without having to do all the check in shenanigans. And you get to feel like you are part of an SGC team on a special mission acquiring Naquada, but that's only me.
This part of the trip went quite smoothly with only a Dick Dastardly moment on the General part when she had my father choose which beer he wanted. Considering that all he could see at this point was a blur he simple fact that he managed to make a decision without help is an achievement.
We had a last thrill while the girl was reading the zat gun. It took forever and I was starting to think she was going to call a squadron of Jaffa and getting ready to run for the gate, when she asked "Did you buy any clothing?" With our great relief, the answer was no, so we were able to make it through the Gate, with only a quick stop to stock up on X-Men comics. We are now more ready than Bert Gummer to face the Big Toe (Part 1).
And now, it's an early and well deserved night of rest for me. Another mission successfully accomplished.
To understand why dreaded, you have to know that:
1) Shopping malls, give my father panic attacks
2) My dad's partner nickname is Brigadier General Lord Meltchett Montague because she would have done very well in the kaiser army. I love her dearly, don't get me wrong, but she can be very, very scary.
3) When shopping I am an hunter, and when I see my prey, nothing can stop me. Also I like to take my time wandering and looking around. This means that i regularly get lost.
Now, to the expedition itself: at 9004, I was told that no, the shopping mall wasn't closing because of the Pope's funeral and that i was to present myself for inspection in 10 minutes. While closing the door, I was shouted that the lift was waiting for me and to get my arse downstairs.
We reached the car and the General, looking dashing in her desert cammo, had to rearrange it to accommodate all the resources that she consider necessary for her and my father to survive her Big toe surgery next week. Then there was a discussion on who was to drive.
Once reached the mall, there was a scuffle on the money for the shopping trolleys (only two this time) after which the father was sent to park, I was sent to recover the trolleys and the General and I got lost to the Newsagent. We got Terminator 2, Jurassic Park, Nero Wolf and a couple more films.
Then we finally entered the mall. First stop was the typical ritual of the cappuccino with something to eat. General and I got something salty and sarcastic comments on our weight from the father, who was enjoying an honey croissant.(I still does not understand why an honey croissant has less fat than a focaccia triangle, but I'll leave it to my father to explain)
Then I sneaked into the nearby bookshop to buy a book called "What an old cat wants from you" to help the General understand the father's requirements, while the general purchased Winnie the Pooh thingies for her granddaughters.
Then disaster strikes. At 1000hours the Pope's funeral starts. The shopping mall announces a minute of silence, that was interpreted differently by different shops. The bookshop interpreted it as in shut off the music and lower the lights, but the nearby electronics store closed its door for 10 minutes, not allowing customers to leave or enter.
Believing that I was in the store the General was inside, calling my name, while my father was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the show. I finally managed to communicate with the General through the barricades and calmed her with the suggestion that she goes and check if any Sci-Fi box sets are on offer. That worked until the doors were reopened. Unfortunately the only box sets on offer were Star Trek. That seems to be always on sale. I guess that Enterprise did more damage to the franchise than I thought. It was the beagle's fault.
Anyway, we are now ready for some SERIOUS shopping. I'll have you know that our shopping mall boasts the second biggest supermarket in Europe, and after having walked all of it with military precision, i can say that it feels like it too. The coolest thing is that they give you these things that look like zat guns and you can read the bar codes while you do the shopping. So you know how much you are spending at anytime and when you arrive to the check out the girl zap the zat and you can pay and go without having to do all the check in shenanigans. And you get to feel like you are part of an SGC team on a special mission acquiring Naquada, but that's only me.
This part of the trip went quite smoothly with only a Dick Dastardly moment on the General part when she had my father choose which beer he wanted. Considering that all he could see at this point was a blur he simple fact that he managed to make a decision without help is an achievement.
We had a last thrill while the girl was reading the zat gun. It took forever and I was starting to think she was going to call a squadron of Jaffa and getting ready to run for the gate, when she asked "Did you buy any clothing?" With our great relief, the answer was no, so we were able to make it through the Gate, with only a quick stop to stock up on X-Men comics. We are now more ready than Bert Gummer to face the Big Toe (Part 1).
And now, it's an early and well deserved night of rest for me. Another mission successfully accomplished.
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Date: 2005-04-08 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-09 05:50 am (UTC)I think Hugh is incredibly funny and talented. There's a bit in Peter's friends in which he leads the cast from the piano in a superb rendition of "The way you look tonight" that gets me everytime. I liked A bit of Fry and Laurie and, as you may have guessed, I am a massive Blackadder fan. I am thinking of getting a Georgina icon. Did you get Blackadder in the States?