Brokenhearted

[matilda36]

I was loooking for this definition in the mood list, but I didn't find it, so I used it as title instead. My dad arrived Friday afternoon. We had a reasonable Friday evening, a nightmarish Saturday Morning ( I hate being pushed left right and centre and forced to do things so I learn. It makes me feel a weight, a retard, not good enough. I know I am all these things, but I expect those closer to me to offer me understanding and support) and a boring Saturday. My father barely talking to me,in part because Giuliana talks for the three of us, in part for the time he spent sleeping or playing Jardinians, in part because while he was ok with touching me, he IS not ok with my problems and does not want to talk about it. I am acceptable only when I am useful or not requiring him. Then yesterday the wedding. I tried, but you know me and wedding, we do not agree with each other. They highlight all my inadequacies and limitations. So I arrive and I do not get out of the car. I hide there and tell my father not to mind me, to go and enjoy. He tells me to stop being silly and behave like a normal person, I tell him I am not normal. He take the car and take me home.I did spent last afternoon crying and all the fireworks, managing to sleep only with chemical help. Nobody has asked me how I am yet.

Once again I am on my own. I am hurting like hell, but I think I can wait the two remaining days until I am going to see Doctor Broccoli. If things do not improve by then, this time, I'll take extreme measures.I can't take anymore hate.