Various kinds of controlfreakery

[matilda36]

One of the problems with being bipolar is that sometimes I can get quite obsessive. Leaving aside the "normal" obsessions like reading porn or doing things in 4 (I am always doing 4 things at the same time, rotating them. For example at the moment I am cleaning my bedroom, studying, writing this and reading. Reading it's more or less always in the rotation, because it helps my nerves to settle), I sometimes develop new obsessions.

Sometimes they go away, sometimes they stay.

Recent obsessions:

1) This one is actually quite normal. Before going to bed and before going out I have to check twice that the PC is switched off (you never know a flashflood can come through my forth floor window and mess up the electric), that the gas is off (Once I actually left it on, luckily without consequences) and the door is closed,

2) Driving (and parking). It's a pretty normal thing to do and one that leaves me panicking. I keep fretting all day when I have to do it and I avoid it like the plague. This can be a problem, especially with winter on the way.

3) This is quite embarassing, but I have recently developed an obsession with not cleaning my house.  I am not an untidy person, and I have a small flat, that can be cleaned in a morning, but cleaning it has become a terrible chore. Laundry has been piling up, the bathroom has become, let's be honest, a bit dirty and there is some dust. But the idea of cleaning has become a burden. And the more I don't clean, the more it becomes a chore. This morning I managed to clean the bathroom, but I hadn't cleaned it in two weeks. This is an obsession that I am working on changing..

In the meantime, i work everyday on making my day a productive day, meaning one in which I do something of my life. This is my oldest obsession. One that I feel I fail most days. My therapist tells me to cut myself some slack, that sometimes it's ok to just spending time reading or watching my favourite shows, but the perfectionist control freak in me thinks she knows best.

Comments

[chef-hector.livejournal.com]

I agree with your therapist...cut yourself some slack.