Run by posting
Dec. 17th, 2008 05:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matilda36It has been a week (how time fly when you are having fun) and i still feel it a bit. there is a residual soreness that adds to my general feeling of crankiness.
The bad news surrounding us, the way all this makes people give the worst of themselves (we are scared, what else do you pretend from us ?).
The way people seem to be asking a lot out of me. Well at least most of them are grateful. At least the father who is buying me what I want for Christmas: a digital camera. I am running and running scared: What if my limitations realise I am doing things ?
The way i am surprising myself every day. I am still here. I am doing more or less everything that I am supposed to do. I have moments in which i want to curl up in my comfortable self imposed limitations, but i don't and this is making me cranky, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because, you know i am not supposed to be good. I am not supposed to be able to do what people ask me to do. I am not supposed to be at all.
I am supposed to fade to black. And yet, in the here and now, I am not doing it. I can do better, but I am doing it and this is already an achievement. So I'll just keep going.
The bad news surrounding us, the way all this makes people give the worst of themselves (we are scared, what else do you pretend from us ?).
The way people seem to be asking a lot out of me. Well at least most of them are grateful. At least the father who is buying me what I want for Christmas: a digital camera. I am running and running scared: What if my limitations realise I am doing things ?
The way i am surprising myself every day. I am still here. I am doing more or less everything that I am supposed to do. I have moments in which i want to curl up in my comfortable self imposed limitations, but i don't and this is making me cranky, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because, you know i am not supposed to be good. I am not supposed to be able to do what people ask me to do. I am not supposed to be at all.
I am supposed to fade to black. And yet, in the here and now, I am not doing it. I can do better, but I am doing it and this is already an achievement. So I'll just keep going.
