Loving

Went to see my therapist today and we agreed to look into ending our work together. She asked me to decide what I want to focus on in those next few meetings. I thought about it and I decided: Loving myself.

Then I went shopping, got vanilla body lotion, nail polish and cream pastries (Yes I made a mess of myself while eating them.)

I have done a lot of work with my therapist, but I agree with her that it's time to end it before it becomes an addiction, becomes something I need to validate all the work I am doing on myself.

Today for example we spoke about my guilt because I am not very "productive" while not working. Cleaning the house, watching my shows and reading are the only things I basically do. According to my brain I should be doing so much more... The point is: those are the things I want to do. Those I like doing. I don't like knitting, I don't like clubbing, I don't like going to the gym. The only physical activity I like is walking.

I like to keep in touch with my friends, but going out in the evenings is still a problem. I like my place and I like to be in bed by 10.IThere are some things I would like to change, like getting a bigger library and a smaller desk, but my house is very me. it has my personality.

 I am rediscovering make up and I like the idea of looking prettier at work. I love my hair. It's a mixture of different shades of red, getting towards flame. It's very unique. I like having long hair.I like wearing pjs around the house. I like listening to Grey's Anatomy's soundtrack because it's that kind of folksie indie stuff that It's me. I like chai tea.

I love my goldfish. I know he's not a dog, or a cat, but he has a personality and he's good company

I like these things so I will keep doing them and taking care of them. Because... sometimes I love myself.