Heritage

In "Waking the dead" last night, James Dreyfuss played a victim of abuse and had a beautifully acted dialog with Boyd about the long term consequences of abuse. Leaving aside the usual issues of worth, cleanliness and goodness, he focused on two aspects: the fact that we spend the rest of our lives craving what the abuser was giving us, because for us that was love and the terror that we have to be like them. My father does not love me, because he was never there. I am not talking about birthdays or first days at school, but when my mother was abusing me or when I needed any form of emotional support, when I needed him to simply love me. I do not want his money, I do not want his time, I do want his love. I told him that the only thing I needed from him was his love and I haven't heard from him since. He has to work, you see, and his daughter has to be quiet and do her part, and maybe dad one day will find 5 minutes for her. But only if she fakes it again and everything is fine. You are worried that I am becoming like my mother? Welcome to the club. I am terrified by my anger for a very simple reason, because I do not want to be like my mother. I deny myself the right to exist because i am terrified to be like my mother. I deny myself the right to have children because i do not want to be like my mother. I tried to be like my father instead and I failed. Because I am something different altogether.

Wow, nothing like a tears or two to spice up your morning, isn't it?