Talk to me about love, Romantic love

[matilda36]

Long and quite confused meditation on love ahead

I'd like to start with a quote from sexymermaid Star Man:

"Do you look down on me too for wanting you?" he asked Will painfully after a pause.

Will made a sound of pain and leaned down to give a kiss of reassurance. "Never, pet. You are the only one in my life I've ever wanted to please because making you happy makes me feel good. I'm falling in love with you... and that makes me very afraid. You can hurt me, touch me where I've never been touched. Wound me where I'm tender, see?"

"You make love sound horrible, Will," Angel commented. He fell back a little, his body fully surrendered to Will's tender care and skillful fingers.

Up down. Up down. Will pulled the skin along Angel's big pole gently and watched his angel shiver in reaction.

"It is horrible! No one in their fucking right mind wants to love someone! Well... Okay, women seem to have some Harlequin thing, but no man in his right mind wants to love anyone, no matter how we pretend to be okay with it. Most of us have to be tricked into it."

I love this bit, because it says a lot about love. All around me I see my female friends hurting themselves and the men in their lives over and over because they have problems accepting the above simple truth.

And I don't get it.

I am a spinster, and I am not ashamed to use the more antiquate word instead of "single", because "single" is a word defined by its opposite, "mated" and I am complete the way I am.

I have always felt a spinster since I was a very young kid. Don't get me wrong, I have been in love, had good sexual experiences (sorry about the TMI), but I have always felt inside that I had first and foremost be completed in myself, and if I wasn't nobody could do it for me. Only if I was completed into myself, I would be able to enter into a relationship, because I could enter without...without being hurt.

And without hurting. Because no matter how many times we repeat ourselves the other party's faults, we do hurt people too.

Nowadays I do feel I am on the right way to be complete in myself. This doesn't mean perfect, nor self-sufficient, but able to accept my humanity, and to enjoy and express myself. The only problem is that this makes me feel even more happy in my spinsterhood. I do enjoy the freedom too much to mess around with romantic love.

Am I a selfish bitch? Or I simply haven't met the right person? Or it's all the Romantics fault as usual after all?

BTW, the full sexymermaid story is available here. Go and read it.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/sexymermaid/99140.html?nc=27

 

Comments

[japewierd.livejournal.com]

I completely agree about having to be complete in yourself. I hate that people refer to their 'other half'. It implies that they aren't a whole person and are unable to survive without having a man/woman in their lives.

At the moment I probably define myself as bitter and twisted divorced, but born-again spinster would probably be a more accurate description.

As to whether you're a selfish bitch or simply haven't met the right man yet I think it's probably a case of a little of both.

I mean that in the nicest possible way of course. Especially as I've told friends that I am probably too selfish now to ever want to be in a relationship again. I do see though that if the right person came along I would be happy to make some sacrifices to make it work, but I do feel that I would have to sacrifice some of what I have to be in that relationship.

My last relationship was a complete tragedy didn't quite work out and after some long and hard soul searching at the end I came to the conclusion that I wasn't prepared to settle. I think a lot of people are though which, to me, explains all the hurt that people put themselves through. Anybody is better than being alone. Well no! I think you possibly have the same mindset about that.

I don't think it's possible to truly love somebody without opening yourself up to being hurt though. If they can't hurt you then they can't touch something deep within you, and if they can't touch that part then it really isn't love. That applies to all relationships though not just sexual ones but the ones with family and friends too. They also have the capacity to hurt us deeply.

I assume the simple truth you refer to is that men have to be tricked into love? Looking at my son I can't agree with that. He has the same capacity to love people that I do.

I love romantic stories, in fact I was watching the BBC adaptation of Pride & Prejudice this morning (Colin Firth *swoons*) and thoroughly enjoying it, but I can never picture Real Life happening like that, so I do feel that that whole genre has influenced womankind into unrealistic expectations.

Is there a man in the world who can give us a good reason to give up the freedom we enjoy? Absolutely.
Will we ever meet him? Maybe.
Will we be prepared to give up what we have to be with him? I have no idea *g*

[matilda36.livejournal.com]

Anybody is better than being alone. Well no! I think you possibly have the same mindset about that.

That's exactly it. I remember, when the family started noticing that no nice man to settle down with was appearing at my side, my uncle sayinf to me:"Your problem is that you are too fussy, and the more you go on, the fussier you'll become"

I assume the simple truth you refer to is that men have to be tricked into love? Looking at my son I can't agree with that. He has the same capacity to love people that I do.

Actually I do refer to the fact that men are scared shitless of falling in love. All men I know are perfectly able to love, most have ways of expressing it not compatible with women, but the majority are terrified of falling in love.

I love romantic stories, in fact I was watching the BBC adaptation of Pride & Prejudice this morning (Colin Firth *swoons*) and thoroughly enjoying it, but I can never picture Real Life happening like that, so I do feel that that whole genre has influenced womankind into unrealistic expectations

I do love them too, especially if Jane Austen and the BBC are involved, but the expectations that they created in womankind are dangerous.

I will never get married without a clear prenuptial contract, a contract management plan and regular contract reviews. And the contract will not include simply money, a clear organisation of tasks and regular footrubs, but also a clear list of the things that will bring heartache to each of the parties, from not calling while away to the clear positioning of mothers in the relationship, to the right to personal space. Consequently I will never get married.

Will we be prepared to give up what we have to be with him? I have no idea *g*

That's the big question girl...;)