Friends

[matilda36]

How it is that both my best friends, the two girls closest to me, the ones that have looked bahind the geekish skittish facade and love me for what I am, are both in deep crisis at the same moment, and in a way that all I can do it's to be there and worry, leaving them their own space to understand?
One has decided at the not green age of 35, with cronic health problems and one boyfriend who is ureliable at his best to have a baby. This knowing that there are serious dangers involved for both her and the baby, both short and long term. The reason why she wants to do it; because she has a job that bores her but it's safe and well paid, a mortgage, an enviable record collection, a "partner" and it's time to try the ultimate accessory for those who cannot fill the hole they have inside with themselves: a baby.

The other one is a step further. She has the most wonderful husband: loving father, caring husband and brilliant and successful scientist. She has the house, the mortgage, two gorgeous children, two parents who take care of said children, a job. Only thing she's missing is her brilliant, creative, sparkling mind. Looking at her sitting sad and aloof in a room full of people who love her yesterday was heartbreaking.

I am so glad I am on the road to overcome my own mid-thirties crisis, and that I managed to do it without ruining anybody's life in the process, so now I can start using my force for good.

As Stan Lee always said: With great powers come great responsibilities. And if you love somebody set them free. They'll come to you.

Comments

[moonshayde.livejournal.com]

Stan Lee, the master of words. Couldn't have been said better.

What a position. To be stuck, inert. What can you really do?

*sigh*

[matilda36.livejournal.com]

Nothing really, and this is the worst thing. If I even try to say something to my friend about what having a baby means, she gets all defensive and says that having a disability doesn't make her a bad mother. Having a disability no, but she has also an hereditary neurological condition. This means not only that the baby is at risk of being born with problems, but that pregnancy can be dangerous for her. Well, call me selfish, but I prefer having her safe than taking chances in the hope of filling a void that no child could ever fill.

Aren't you doing a paper on a similar subject? I remember reading a post on this...

[japewierd.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing your first friend is just hearing the tick of her biological clock. It happens.

The other one just needs to find herself again in amongst the wife and mother stuff, maybe she'll be able to do it without pulling away from the ones who love her *crosses fingers*

Being there for our friends is all we can ever do, pointing out the pitfalls that they are over-looking and being a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong... and just letting them live their own lives even when we don't agree with their decisions.

[matilda36.livejournal.com]

Being there for our friends is all we can ever do, pointing out the pitfalls that they are over-looking and being a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong...

Well this is what I am trying to do...

and just letting them live their own lives even when we don't agree with their decisions.

I am trying to do this too, even if sometimes it breaks my heart. Oh well, I know I made it difficult for them at times too and I am likely to do it again, so...I'll organise the Baby Shower for the first and buy a Live Journal gift voucher for the second one.

Thanks for the advice :)