Jan. 5th, 2014

matilda36: (Default)
 Today I don't want to talk about work. I work 24 hours a week, I am not a manager, just a mere cashier so I have no responsibilities, and yet I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about work.

No, not worrying, obsessing. I have an obssessive personality and I tend to obssess about work. I did it in London I am doing it now. The difference is that I am conscious  of what I am doing and I don't take it out aggressively on those around me.  

Obssessing is very tiring. That's one of the reasons why I spend so much of my time sleeping or reading, because when I sleep (and even before I sleep there is a period of obssessing while my meds work.) or read I am not obssessing. That should have been my new year's resolution: to stop obssessing.

But that's more difficult than that because obssessing is part of my illness. In fact my meds helps taking off  the aggressive edge to my obssession.

I want to try to stop obsessing, especially about something as stupid as work. I mean working and earning is important, but it's not my life. My spiritual life has to be more than that.  I am allowing poverty to dictate who I am. I am ugly, sad and worried all the time.

You can be poor and be happy. I have internet access, I am warm,, I have a car... in the end I cannot complain. There are people much worse off than me. So I need to start enjoying life more. I can afford happiness.



matilda36: (Default)

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