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matilda36I know I haven't written a lot after my cryptic message on Monday ( more about the consequences of which later), because of a mixture of being busy and having things happening to my soul.
On Tuesday I had Manuela and Dante over for dinner, so I spent the day cooking: lamb tikka masala, chickpeas curry, sag aloo, lassie, rajita and cumin rice. It went well, both the food and the conversation.
On Wednesday I went down the crypt (garage) to carry on sorting out the stuff and I found out that we had some surprise visitors that left with our old VCR and some of my Video and Music Cassette. Not a great metrial loss but I have lived in London 7 years and I never had anything stolen. Been in Modena since August and it's the second time I have something stolen from me. People here takes these things like everyday events but I felt violated, unsafe and humiliated by people's dismissal.
Wednesday evening gone to dance and then back home. And had a very, very bad night. I was woken up by a sensation like an earthquake. Two shakes to the bed in quick succession. Only I looked at the ceiling and the lamp wasn't moving. I still do not know who/what wake my up, but you can imagine the rest of the night: tossing and turning, panic attacks and to take the cherry, nightmares.
Thursday passed ina funk: tired, scared, lonely, depressed, you name it. Gone to bed early absolutely shattered. Wake up at 1:30 and then it was a repeat of the previous night.
On Friday went to Bologna to the market with Manuela. We had a good time and I needed some distraction. GTot home shattered, and I finally it hit me.
Realising that I could build a place of freedom had me thinking about having others and this has opened the doors of emotions. That's what I have been experiencing all week. My emotions raw, uncontrolled coming out. I decided to leave them out. If they hurt, they hurt. No reasons to be a sissy.
Saturday I cleaned the house and reset the wards (first good night of sleep in a week last night), then I read and let emotions out, like pus from a wound.
And today...here I am.Having learned how to make a lj-cut. A day well spent
On Tuesday I had Manuela and Dante over for dinner, so I spent the day cooking: lamb tikka masala, chickpeas curry, sag aloo, lassie, rajita and cumin rice. It went well, both the food and the conversation.
On Wednesday I went down the crypt (garage) to carry on sorting out the stuff and I found out that we had some surprise visitors that left with our old VCR and some of my Video and Music Cassette. Not a great metrial loss but I have lived in London 7 years and I never had anything stolen. Been in Modena since August and it's the second time I have something stolen from me. People here takes these things like everyday events but I felt violated, unsafe and humiliated by people's dismissal.
Wednesday evening gone to dance and then back home. And had a very, very bad night. I was woken up by a sensation like an earthquake. Two shakes to the bed in quick succession. Only I looked at the ceiling and the lamp wasn't moving. I still do not know who/what wake my up, but you can imagine the rest of the night: tossing and turning, panic attacks and to take the cherry, nightmares.
Thursday passed ina funk: tired, scared, lonely, depressed, you name it. Gone to bed early absolutely shattered. Wake up at 1:30 and then it was a repeat of the previous night.
On Friday went to Bologna to the market with Manuela. We had a good time and I needed some distraction. GTot home shattered, and I finally it hit me.
Realising that I could build a place of freedom had me thinking about having others and this has opened the doors of emotions. That's what I have been experiencing all week. My emotions raw, uncontrolled coming out. I decided to leave them out. If they hurt, they hurt. No reasons to be a sissy.
Saturday I cleaned the house and reset the wards (first good night of sleep in a week last night), then I read and let emotions out, like pus from a wound.
And today...here I am.Having learned how to make a lj-cut. A day well spent
