Peace and harmony

[matilda36]

I slept last night, even if from the state of my bed this morning, it has been an interesting battle. I am feeling VERY down this morning. I have been telling people that I have a problem, they said that I simply had a nervous breakdown, not a problem, now they believe that I have a problem, but they are running like hell. No, my father is still answering to the phone and speaking with me, but he is still convinced that all I need is to want it and everything will be fine, while I think I am a psycopath. I did an experiment last night: I focused on the anger and left aside any possible object of my anger and I found a massive slab of concrete blocking everything else. This slab of concrete is my anger.I tried to speak to the little girl in the corner and I discovered that it was her that had put that slab of concrete inplace to keep me here, to do her will, to be and behave like a child. Hard lessons, very hard lessons for me. I did come here in searchh of peace and harmony, trying to reduce my life to the essentials in order to escape the external factors and make peace with myself, but I did not know that I had such a powerful enemy inside. I never recognised her as the enemy. I neverrecognised her as the spoiled, temperamental, spiteful creature she is. She wants what she did not have as child, but she wants also more, much more. But she is a child,not an adult, so she is unable to understand what is right, what is rightful and what is wrong. She has ruled the show for a long time. I have to admit that I am lost on what to do. I do still think that some of the things you planned are good. Thanks the Goddess forManuela.