matilda36

I just had a panic attack. Gone to do my shopping (no chocolate, even if at the moment I am bingeing on M&Ms, then an unfortunate accident involving my rent contract, noddles and the News of the World (not mentioning the fact that the difference in time is making me feel how dependent I am becoming on Xanax, has sent me spinning worse than the washing machine. What will I do, where? I am here now, but only because it will make easier for me to get anywhere, and because it is better than where I was before. Internet access, chippies and more sport on telly, these are the things that make the difference. Not mentioning a job and an huose until ferragosto. I do have this strange idea etched in my brain to go and live in the wilderness for a while. My father is ok with it as long as is not backpacking, but a proper job. I'd love somebody I could do from home, like translating. Or writing. Anyway, I promised one of my most recent poems and here it comes:

By an act of careless handling
I unlocked the door,
I have retrieved my voice.
My powerful, sarcastic, peculiar voice.
And now I am dancing,
And now I am singing,
And now i am shouting
Because I have retrieved my voice.
I missed you. Your lonely, dreamy you.
I missed your secret smiles. I missed the jokes only you could understand.
I am holding you in my arms, and my arms feel strong
My heart is singing and my chest feels light for the first time since I lost myself.
I am holding you in my arms beloved sister,
And all I want is to make you feel
how much I love you
how much I missed you
how sorry I am to have sent you away
In holding you in my arms I am holding a celebration
Known only to us
Please stay?

Think about it while I go and hang the washing.