Sad

 I am sad. I dunno why. Or better I do know why. I am tired. Sunday work and tortellata, Monday with my auntie, Tuesday with my neighbour and Wednesday work. Today I work, luckily in the afternoon, so this morning I have been able to take a nap.

Maybe it's the nap that made me sad. I didn't wake up from a nice dream. I dreamt that some of my colleagues were making Risperdal pills for the boss'wife and that he forced us to take some, only for me to remember that I was already taking Risperdal and that I was in danger of an overdose.

I love Risperdal. I love Lamictal too, but the one who has really changed my life is Risperdal. It's the one that controls my maniac episodes. That's why I probably should hate Risperdal. Because it's the one that makes me boring, bored and never smile. The one that makes me a zombie. Next time I see my doctor we are going to try to lower Lamictal's levels, but if everything works I am gonna ask to lower Risperdal's dosage as well.

I need energy and I don't have any. I have to stop being afraid of a Manic episode. You can be happy without being manic. You can be able to do things without being manic. I need to be able to do. Desperately.