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Nov. 9th, 2012 05:22 pmI went to the cemetery to visit my mother and discovered (well I knew it already, but it struk me like lightening) how much I hate my mother. Talking to my aunt who still idolises her, made it.
I have alwyas been jealous of my mother: she was a thin charismatic presence while I was the mousy and fat daughter, shy and daydreaming.
Now I am less shy and more confident, even if I am going through a binge eating phase with no end in sight (well maybe when this wave of overtime ends, but that as well has no end in sight). I still daydream a lot, but I don't see it as a problem. I don't see my dreams as an alternate reality where I am this super Mary Sue, but stories that I tell myself to go to sleep at night. So I am no more envious of my mother, also because I have seen her worst moments.
Anyway the point is that the charismatic woman was a total bitch to her daughter and no excuse will change this fact.
So I think it's ok to hate her a little bit.
I have alwyas been jealous of my mother: she was a thin charismatic presence while I was the mousy and fat daughter, shy and daydreaming.
Now I am less shy and more confident, even if I am going through a binge eating phase with no end in sight (well maybe when this wave of overtime ends, but that as well has no end in sight). I still daydream a lot, but I don't see it as a problem. I don't see my dreams as an alternate reality where I am this super Mary Sue, but stories that I tell myself to go to sleep at night. So I am no more envious of my mother, also because I have seen her worst moments.
Anyway the point is that the charismatic woman was a total bitch to her daughter and no excuse will change this fact.
So I think it's ok to hate her a little bit.