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matilda36While I found livejournal through fandom, I did not start keeping a livejournal to post my fics or my pics or to keep up with fandom.I started it because one of the signs of my mental breakdown was the fact that I had stopped keeping a journal andI I thought that a livejournal would be the right thing to help me back into the healing habit.
It has somehow worked, and while I post here the odd piece of writing andI use lj to follow fandom, (amongst other things), my journal is mostly a somehow haphazard map of my deranged mind.
Honestly, I don't know who's right and who's wrong in this latest wankfest. I started in fandom back in a not so far away time when people realised that basically fanfic was porn and enjoyed it keeping very quiet about it.The policy was don't ask don't tell and probably was what allowed people like those owning livejournal to host it while being able to feign ignorance.
Then fandom got bolder and bolder, encouraged by the fact that networks and the likes have started to recognise its buying power.
One of the things that attracted me to fandom in the first place was its being a place where women could explore creativity and sexuality boldly and in ways that most of us will never do in real life. I have seen real talent developing and expressing in fandom and It's good to see it recognised .
Increased visibility means also that the grey areas ( and there are plenty of moral grey areas in fandom, from copyright to depiction of sexuality and those areas have become bigger and bigger over the years) gets more and more light on it, and things that 6apart could ignore when slash was just a whisper on the radar, they cannot ignore anymore when J.K. Rowling herself enters in ship wars with her fans.
Hypocrite? Probably. Handed badly? For sure. But I honestly cannot blame them for trying to keep their business safe.
At the same time I love seeing women fight for their creativity and their sexual freedom, even if in their passion they loose sight of the context.
The simple fact is that I like it here. It's my little cozy VL home and if there is one thing that i don't like is moving homes.Especially when I am already making other changes to my life.Changes that I don't like, but that I have to. Changes that I am finding difficult. Because last time I started a new job I became a cocky overachieving bitch in the first couple of weeks, and this time I am a shy, insecure tired wreck that is just keeping up.
And has not done any dusting, meaningful reading or kept up with my teaching duties and world domination plans in 3 weeks. I sleep, I work, I read fanfic and I try not to shatter . That's me .
And that's why I am not going to leave for the time being, even if it breaks my heart
You see I use my livejournal as a way to keep touch with people, reading their posts even when i don't comment, so I am sure they are ok even when i do not have time and strenght for IM and the likes. Having my friends spread out and maybe flocking their entries on other journaling sites it's not going to make it easier and I am already starting to feel even more lonely.But that's my problem and nobody else's.
It has somehow worked, and while I post here the odd piece of writing andI use lj to follow fandom, (amongst other things), my journal is mostly a somehow haphazard map of my deranged mind.
Honestly, I don't know who's right and who's wrong in this latest wankfest. I started in fandom back in a not so far away time when people realised that basically fanfic was porn and enjoyed it keeping very quiet about it.The policy was don't ask don't tell and probably was what allowed people like those owning livejournal to host it while being able to feign ignorance.
Then fandom got bolder and bolder, encouraged by the fact that networks and the likes have started to recognise its buying power.
One of the things that attracted me to fandom in the first place was its being a place where women could explore creativity and sexuality boldly and in ways that most of us will never do in real life. I have seen real talent developing and expressing in fandom and It's good to see it recognised .
Increased visibility means also that the grey areas ( and there are plenty of moral grey areas in fandom, from copyright to depiction of sexuality and those areas have become bigger and bigger over the years) gets more and more light on it, and things that 6apart could ignore when slash was just a whisper on the radar, they cannot ignore anymore when J.K. Rowling herself enters in ship wars with her fans.
Hypocrite? Probably. Handed badly? For sure. But I honestly cannot blame them for trying to keep their business safe.
At the same time I love seeing women fight for their creativity and their sexual freedom, even if in their passion they loose sight of the context.
The simple fact is that I like it here. It's my little cozy VL home and if there is one thing that i don't like is moving homes.Especially when I am already making other changes to my life.Changes that I don't like, but that I have to. Changes that I am finding difficult. Because last time I started a new job I became a cocky overachieving bitch in the first couple of weeks, and this time I am a shy, insecure tired wreck that is just keeping up.
And has not done any dusting, meaningful reading or kept up with my teaching duties and world domination plans in 3 weeks. I sleep, I work, I read fanfic and I try not to shatter . That's me .
And that's why I am not going to leave for the time being, even if it breaks my heart
You see I use my livejournal as a way to keep touch with people, reading their posts even when i don't comment, so I am sure they are ok even when i do not have time and strenght for IM and the likes. Having my friends spread out and maybe flocking their entries on other journaling sites it's not going to make it easier and I am already starting to feel even more lonely.But that's my problem and nobody else's.
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-11 04:29 pm (UTC)I was here first because my sister was bored and made me a journal. I was here second because I wanted a place to archive my fic, which I had never intended to write like I do. I ended up here because lj replaced the journal site that I lost in the upheaval of 2005 and that real life drama. And I like it here, I can play catchup with people on days when I just want to go home and sleep, even if I am just lurking.
*hugs* I'm here until everyone is gone. That's the plan, at least. :)
*hugs and cookies and flowers*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-11 07:14 pm (UTC)I found LJ through Fandom, but my life isn't totally fandom. Most posts on here are about my life and what's going on and how I am growing as a person and coping in the world around me. Fandom is a part of that but it's not all of it.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 01:05 am (UTC)well what I know/remember about joing LJ was that it seemed like a good idea to keep a journa;/diary online but like the paper one I at times forget about it, even when I do check to see if things are okay with the friends I made here.
*cuddles* I do hope that work will get smoother for you hon. And that you get more energy, or lesser hours.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 09:25 am (UTC)I am glad I am not the only one here for the people.
My recent immersion in RL through work is making me appreciate my little corner of VL and the people I have here even more.
Wonderful people like you.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 09:27 am (UTC)It's heartwarming following you growing up.
You always make me smile.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 09:34 am (UTC)I need them so badly. I am shivering in stress. Let's just hope that tonight it's lighter than yesterday afternoon.
I promised myselfI would not become like my workmates, but there have been moments in which I found myself hating my custumers in a way that goes against everything I believe in...
*hug*
love ya sis.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 03:29 pm (UTC)Then I remembered why I used to write a diary and why I had to start writing again even if my life has made me give up writing fanfiction (at least for now). Because writing it's my outlet. I don't express myself well unless I'm rambling in a paper and sometimes I have to ramble or explode under the stress I put myself under. Because I'm my worst enemy when it comes to expect too much of me and I know it.
*hugs again* I'm going to be here until everybody moves and then I'll switch to IJ, but not before that
I hope the changes will get easier for you *hugs tight*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-12 04:04 pm (UTC)and sharing them with people here helps.I feel never judged, always accepted, always myself here.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 06:35 am (UTC)*grins*
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 10:32 am (UTC)Cool people are always fashionably late.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-14 10:37 pm (UTC)for what it's worth, I'm going to stick with LJ for a bit longer - I do have an IJ set up, but I like my LJ and the comms and my friends.
*hugs* hope you're feeling better really soon. *leaves chocolate and other goodies for you*