Therapy session: Odysseus
Jun. 14th, 2006 04:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matilda36Odysseus wasn't an happy Vampire. It had taken him 90 years to break in his analyst and this only because he had turned Dr Rivers. And now Dr Rivers had decided that he needed an holiday. A year long holiday. And when he had tried to convince his mate that he could do without his monthly sessions for a year, he had found himself on the couch. Sleeping on the couch. And his mate was damn too big to sleep on a couch with.
So it was a very cranky, horny and funny walking on a warpath Odysseus that stormed in the office of the replacement Doctor. Only to be invited to lay on a couch. Anybody with a bit of common sense would have seen the flame of sarcasm in Ody's eyes and run, but apparently this Doctor didn't have any sense of self preservation, because he started the session. Duh, Ody thought. He has accepted the Council job after all...
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Your couch is pretty uncomfortable, do you picked it on purpose?
"How long have you had these delusions of being a vampire?"
*sighs* I think it was around 1,200 BC…Or do you want a precise date? Because you know…it gets pretty tricky…we used a different calendar back then, when we did use a calendar at all, that's why the Story of me getting lost was wildly exaggerated…it wasn't ten years…only, what is a year in the life of a man when you have lived or better died for 3,200 years? And as a married man too…
The Doctor interrupted Odysseus'flow .Ody hated being interrupted mid flow. Nothing like good waffle to release stress. But Dr Broccoli apparently hadn't gotten that, because he asked, again:
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
*Ody, frowning at the interruption* Old?
"Why do you feel the need to hide your injuries and your pain from those
closest to you?"
*Laughter* Who told you this? I think you are mistaking me for my mate… he's the stoic one. I am the drama queen that milks every second of a broken nail…
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Thinking that maybe you too are a bit of a drama queen?
"While it is always good not to bottle up your feelings are you sure guns
are the answer?"
*Frowns* Are you sure you haven't mistaken me for somebody else? Or did they give you a standard questionnaire for Council members?
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Smugly superior?
"So why do you feel the need to identify and act out these fictional
characters?"
Hey, you may be fictional…I am the real deal. Odysseus, role model for all conmen since 1,200 BC…
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Are you for real?
"Has anyone ever told you that you have anger management problems?"
I don't have an anger management problem. I do have a mate. If I am right he deals with the problem. If I am wrong, a couple of nights on the couch are enough to make me apologise *winces at memory*
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
In need of my avenging mate?
"How long have dead people been talking to you?"
Since 1,200 BC, year more year less.
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
As if I am talking to a dead moron?
"Do you have any suicidal tendencies against specific people?"
*Blinks*
*reread the question*
*blinks*
Have you?
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Sorry for your suicidal tendencies.
"What do you think has caused this obsession with licking everything? "
Have you seen my mate? *Licks lips*
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
*still thinking about a chocolate covered mate* Sorry?
"Tell me about your family. "
Whatever Hector has told you about my childes and descendents, I am extremely proud of every single one of them and of the trouble they have caused through the centuries.
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
I am sorry Doc but your chances to become part of my family are pretty slim.
"Why is it you think the kitten is after you?"
No Doc, that's the standard questionnaire for Sylum. The Council deals only with big cats and they are much less dangerous.
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Sorry for your cat?
"Do you often think flying purple dragons steal your personal items?"
Wrong questionnaire again, Doc.
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Sorry for you if the kitten and the flying purple dragon decide to come after you.
"I see...is it that you don't *realize* that they are family or is it that
you just don't care?"
*Getting annoyed* Hey, I may have invented marriage, but this doesn't mean I don't care about family .
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
I am starting to think that you would probably make a nice meal for my family.
"Interesting. Just why do you think Agent Gibbs is always behind you? "
*Looks behind him* Is he?
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
I thought that Gibbs was behind me…
"Why do you feel the need to carry a gun?"
*sighs* I really would like to know who this questionnaire of yours was based on…
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
I am starting for the first time in centuries the need to carry a gun.
"I see. And you think that violence is the solution to your problem?
*gritting teeth* I really need to have a word with Methos, Bourne and their mates…
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
…and suggest them a session with you *evil grin*
"How far would you go to protect those close to you?"
*Far away look* Beyond Heracles' pillars…
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
*Lost in memory, doesn't answer*
"Whose expectations are you trying to live up to, yours or what you perceive
others to be?"
*smirks* I am Odysseus. My job is to make people expect the unexpected.
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Bored?
"Why do you feel the need to take care of everyone? Is this a good thing or
a bad thing?"
*Blinks* Got some mother issues doc?
"Why do you think cookies (or chocolate) will solve everyone's problems?"
*Surprised* Do you mean…they don't?
"What are you feeling in this moment, towards me?"
Sorry for your mother…
"When you imagine the world around you, what do you think that the nerfdart
represent?"
*snickers*
*giggles*
*starts laughing until tears come down*
Do I need to give you the speech about the flowers and the bees doc?
"What is it about your mate's blood that makes you want to have sex with
them?"
*smug look* Have you actually seen my mate?
"Did you ever think that obsessing over your boss could be detrimental to
your career?"
*Disgusted* Hey, take your mind out of the gutter. I love Quin Min as a mother and a friend…what you are suggesting is…disgusting.
"Do you ever wonder why everyone seems to think you're a surly bastard?"
*Raises eyebrow* If you hope to piss me off enough that I send you my mate so he can show you his flaming sword, you are definitely wrong.
"Isn't it possible that the motorcycle is an attempt to cover your own
perceived inadequacies?"
*sighs* reading from the standard questionnaire again doc?
"Do you think that these nightmares could stem from some tragic event in
your past? "
In the immortal words of Homer (Simpson) Duh.
"Mmm hmm, and what does the little purple dragon say to you?"
*Thinks* Meerp?
"Are you sure that growling at people coming to close to your mate is the
right thing to do?"
*low growl* Have you actually seen my mate?
"Do you really think killing anyone looking at your mate funny is not a form
of jealousy?"
*Growls* No. And if you even look at my mate, you'll learn about it….
"Why do you think you may have an obsessive need to clean your weapons?"
*raises eyebrow* *purrs* Oh I do love cleaning my mate's weapon…but you are not going to know anything about that.
"So this 'clan' isn't it just really a cult...?"
I actually used to like The Cult…they were quite cool for an 80s band…
"Our time is up today. Would you like to schedule your next appointment
with my secretary?"
*Gets up* I think I'd rather spend the next year on the couch with a mate blanket…hoping that his back give up before mine…
*Goes off looking for said mate*
