Love and trust

Ok, I was doing my usual exercises this ,morning, including some affirmations and I discovered that I can easily say that I trust myself, but not that I love myself. I trust myself. I survived 35 years of hard work and I know how to survive. No worries at all about it. I can be trusted in an emergency or even for most daily tasks, but I do not love myself. I do not love my reliability. I do not love my sense of survival. I do not love my patience. I do not like being a control freak. I do not like that I will now go out, do my shopping, do a bit in the garage and then I will come up and clean the house. That I will do what I have tasked myself to do, instead of being free. I want to be free and carefree. I like carefree people and I hate them because they are inconsiderate of others. But my survival streak is inconsiderate, ruthless on occasion.
Just another confused day at the office then.