Fragile me

Jan. 28th, 2014 01:46 pm
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[personal profile] matilda36
 I am feeling really unwell. My mental health is bad. Last night I nearly had a panic attack at work (Due in part that going to bed at 6 in the evenings the week before I was needing my meds for my balance). I managed to hold on knowing that now I am off till saturday. 4 days that I desperately need. The advantages of working part time and that your boss doesn't pay you overtime, but offers you compensation.

Today I am rereading one of my favourite stories Ties that Bind by Keira Marcos. Her grammar is nearly worse than mine, but she writes the kind of outrageous, over the top, kinky stories that I need.

I don't know if to put the radio on, silence is a blessing at the moment. I know I have to react, but not reacting is the solution for today. Tomorrow we'll see. This morning I had the heart beating hard. Now it's not, but I am shaking a bit and I know that I can cry any moment. Maybe crying would do me good. But in reality I feel so fragile that crying would break me. Yeah that's how I feel: fragile, ready to break.  I know 4 days will be just a patch up job, that I really need a new job (I applied for a job for which I have the qualifications, including being disable, we'll see) or a good sized period of not worrying about money not work. Or maybe not. 4 days alone are good, more are dangerous. I need people's company. I like being around people in my job (even if they are not always the right kind of people).

Only not now, because I am fragile and I need not worry about money, not to worry about wok, just read over the top kinky stories and tell myself some nice stories tonight, when I'll go to bed. Probably another early niight, unless I feel I'll end up obssessing.

I don't need obsessing, I need to take care of fragile me. I am without chocolate around, by choice. I have been binging recently and loosing weight is one of the things that keeps me cheerful. I have bananas instead. And decaf. I think I'll need lots of milky decaf in the next few days.

I need to take care of myself.



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