matilda36: (i am done pretending)
matilda36 ([personal profile] matilda36) wrote2013-06-04 07:39 pm
Entry tags:

Pissed off

 I had worked myself in a good mood with a productive day (Cleaned the car and the kitchen, dyed my hair) when my neighbour did come out and told me that they have forgiven their druggie son. 

I know I come from a bad place about these things. The memories of my mother, her lies, her shouting, her embarrassing me are still fresh in me.I may have forgiven my mother, but I haven't forgotten.I retain a disdain and healthy fear of druggies and alcoholics.

So now I am pissed off at them, because they go from throwing him out of the house to believing every lie that he tells them.

*shakes head* I'll just have to keep the music on in my house and be sure to lock the door. Oh and try to avoid showing my contempt when I cross him.

The thing that I am most is scared. I was living in fear when my mother was drinking, and I am scared now. I am in my 40s and still scared like a little girl.

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