Jun. 12th, 2012

matilda36: (i am done pretending)
First day completely without a nap. (Yesterday I had an hour). The problem of not having naps is that the day is very long and you need to find things to do. That's not a problem because I have an house that (due to naps, hasn't been cleaned in ages.

I have plants to repot, house to clean and my usual friend, my computer. This morning I went out for a few errands.

Actually I should have gone yesterday, but when I got up and I had to get dressed and go out, I had a panic attack. Today I went out, but I was shaking. I still am. Luckily tomorrow I am going back to work, so I should get used to the outside a bit more.

I realise now that I had built a very comfortable hideout for myself and it's not as simple as lowering the dosages and avoiding naps. I have to get used again to live.

I have to be cautious, at least at the beginning, because I am so scared that I just want to get back into my nest. The tactic at the moment is to sit down quietly at the PC and get up and do things when I feel inspired. I know, stupid and too little, but ... I had built myself a very deep hole.

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matilda36

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