matilda36: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] mockturtletale  has pointed out that lj has become a little bit of a ghost town, with the advent of tumblr and AO3 and I agree. I miss reading my friend list and finding the little things that happen to people or a new fic from a favourite author, or even long and healthy discussions on meta or other things.

For me it's different, because I tend to use DW and LJ as a journal where I post the things that happen to me, or my thoughts or the anguish related to my bipolar disorder, because I am too chickenshit to try to write something, even when I have an idea.

But I'll try to do my best to partecipate in this attempt to lj reanaissance. I have always loved the chance to discuss that lj offers, that tumblr and AO3 lack. Facebook is different, but people on facebook tends to post little snippets of life and things that you can like or not like or completely ignore.

Well people tends to ignore my whining too, but that's because it's sort of private things made public.

Because I keep a blog on a book website on fandom, I may use this journal as meditation points for the blog (that's more of a professional thing) and I call here for subjects for my blog. It's focused on fandom, but specialises on fanfic. It's supposed to bring people into fandom and get them starting to write. Gimme ideas folks. 
matilda36: (Default)
 Last night I worked till midnight and this morning I was out of the house by 7:50 to go to the post office and to have my pap test done. It has been a long, hot morning.also because I was so worried about smelling when I got to see  the doctor. I had walked a lot by then and I was sweaty.

I am afraid that this pap test will discover something. Because yes I am changing the way I eat and I am eating less, but I am still eating a lot of the things I enjoy. Las night I had icecream. I felt full afterwards, but I ate it.  So I am not sure how natural is it to loose the weight I am loosing.. We'll see what comes back. Probably I don't feel hungry because I am used to eating less food now and I get full more easily.

Work is slow, very slow and the boss is making some stupid decisions, so I don't know how long this work will last. But I am ok with it. My career as blogger seems to finally be starting and I am getting again in the mood for writing. I subscribe to two brilliant blogs on tumble [tumblr.com profile] fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment and [tumblr.com profile] writewords that are inspiring me to write. I had lost even my blogging muse, but now that I am getting posted I am back to be enthisiastic (A lot will depend on if I get comments and what kind of comments I get). But whatever happens it will be an incentive to write better.

I have also started applying for jobs. It's a slow and harduous process, with a lot of rejections, but one I have to do. I will ask my doctor what he thinks about creating a site for bipolars to meet, without doctors involved, or involved very little (example: when somebody shares suicidal thoughts). It could be a good thing to do. I could do with a place where I don't feel manipulated by the system. I know that I am doing my share of manipulating (obtaining disable status has been useful when  I had to get a job), but the system has me feeling down because I am disabled.

My house is a bombsite, and I am absolutely not in the mood to tidy up. I will if I know I'll get visitors, but in the meantime I'll just enjoy it being a bombsite and spend my time reading. I have finished the Sid/Geno fics, I'll start with the Kane/Tazer ones. And Kryptaria and Bootsand blossoms have a new 00Q fic that I am waiting they finish to publish to read. Oh and scifigirl47 has one Avengers fic out too. So I have plenty to read. 

I like this post full of things to look forward to.


matilda36: (Default)
 Tonight I see my dad. I don't know why, but I am very excited about it. He's just coming to leave me some documents and we are going to get a bite to eat afterwards, but I am happy to see him.

I love my father dearly and while I know he can be quite moody especially if I push him a bit, today I couldn't help myself. I miss him. I called him three or four times this week. It must be something. 

I am keeping it this training thing. For job hunting I am in two mind: go the traditional way and look for a job like the one I have: retail, office, but under a boss or try to branch out on my own. I am trying tobranch out with this blog thing, but can I stand the pressure of working on my own and full time. Now I am bored and I'd gladly work my 24 hours a week instead of the current 12, but more than that? I know, I know., I shouldn't allow my illness to stop my dreams, but....it's a worthy excuse.

Maybe I should try to blog about this. Create a blog as a reference point for bipolars. Maybe create a network. I am tired of seeing things for mentally ill people done by families or mental health professional, I'd like to see a forum, a network of bipolars. Especially those who like me are well enough to lead a life.

Worth thinking about. Maybe run it by my doctor next time I see him.
matilda36: (Default)
 Just read a blog about how blogging everyday is training for writing more and better, so here I am on my training ground.

Today it has been a good day. Still cold outside, but sunny and the sun cheered me up. Still no housework (Hey maybe I can train for that too.), but I watched 6 episodes of season 11 of Project Runaway and chatted a bit. 

Tonight I know I'll go to bed and relax. In half an hour. Now I want to cuddle a bit with my bro.
matilda36: (Harry growing)
I have a writer's block for my blog. I have plenty of ideas but no strenght to write them....Maybe if I try to write here a bit everyday I will get my mojo back. Or maybe it's the research I am doing and seeing people saying what I want to say in such beautiful ways. I need to gain confidence in my blogging skills. I was good at writing essays, very good. Why shouldn't I be good at blogging too?

What have got to say? My workmates irritate me. There are levels of stupidity untouched.before. On monday night I heard this sentence: Hitler was better than Jesus Christ because he was killing" and he wasn't talking about rapists or paedophiles, but of jews or gay people. It left me so despondent and furious taht I spent yesterday in a funk. A couple of more things helped me going deep in the funk, but today it's better becuase I went out and I had a good chat.


Anyway idiocy makes me happy to stay at home. But to stay at home too long saddens me. What I have to do is to find the strenght of doing things when I am home, and not spend all my time in front of the PC. I would be happier in a cleaner house, or writing my blog or even going out for a walk. That would be a first.
matilda36: (i am done pretending)
 I went on a date tonight. We went out for pizza and I was out and back in one hour and an half. The advantages of knowing the place and driving the car. And no inappropriate touching took place. Obvioulsy there's not gonna be a follow up. I went out because he insisted, he's a nice man, but I am not interested.

On the job front it's another horse strike so it's gonna be bad, also because it's starting the down season for football, so there's not a lot of work. We are all using our vacation time and one of my colleague who has a fixed term contract is likely to be left  home.

On the other side, I am working for the website. I am starting to explore fanlore and finding inspiration for new blogs.

I was very depressed about work this morning, but I spoke with my dad and said that we'll weather this storm together, if and when we have to storm it. My horoscope give me positive changes in workplace in the second part of the year.. I hope so. Because I do my job, but I am not all that happy with it. It's something safe (more or less) that leaves me with a lot of free time.

Considering that I spend most of that free time on the net, maybe it's better to look for another day job. But not in this city. I am done with this city.
matilda36: (pic#745355)
 This morning I slept. I feel guilty for it. But I love sleeping in the morning, especially when I have work in the afternoon.

Yesterday it was quite busy at work and I did come home with a backache.

I received a message from my friend from the blog and he said that there are good news coming.... let's hope so. I have been planning my second entry, on betas. I love being a beta. At the moment I have two people I beta for and it's a job I love.

That's why I think I would be good at creative writing. Teaching or helping...It's a job I'd love to do. Dreams, all dreams, but maybe they'll become reality one day. For the moment I am starting.
matilda36: (Default)
 My parking woes are over (at least for this week). I decided to take it as an adventure, got excited about it and found a parking space straight away.

All in all I had a good weekend, I got feedback about my blog entry and it was good, they are posting it. Even if nothing comes out of it, I started something new, something different, something that I really want to do.

Reread [personal profile] poisontaster  A Kept boy this weekend. It's still a great story and it has kept me company and made me feel smart.

Sometimes I need crappy Harry Potter fic to entertain me, and sometimes I need to get through some smart favourites to feel smart and posh.

At the moment I am going through some old J2 favourites. Maybe not posh and smart but good fun.

Oh and I made a gallon of minestrone. I know what I am gonna eat for the rest of the week.

Except for tomorrow. Tomorrow is my auntie's homemade lasagne. Yummy.


matilda36: (Default)
 My first blog entry is written and betaed, ready to be sent out. I have already started thinking about the second, dedicated to the concept of Beta. I love being a beta and that's why I am so passionate about the subject. I think it may come out a very nice blog entry.

On other news, the house is still organised, not clean but organised. I even took out the recycling.

It's raining. We had a couple of wonderful days of sun and now it's raning. A lot and it's gonna keep raining all week. This makes my parking worries for Friday even worse. I have to be at work by 1pm, one of the worse times to find a parking space. I have two options. First I park in the hour parking spaceand wait till the parking lot clear up a little or I leave early and look for a parking space.. I think I'll go for the second, keeping the first as second option. The ridiculous thing is that I am here, two days early worrying about parking lots. I could relax and read or clean the house or take a nap, but I am here thinking about parking. I am even considering lieing and asking to come in an hour later, when i know I can find parking space. But it would create problems to my colleagues so it wouldn't be fair.

What I am gonna do is to stop thinking about it. I have made up my mind, even planned a little shopping (I need toilet paper and coffee) so there's no need to panic about it.

I have one day and an half free, let's read and plan blog entries.

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