Jan. 30th, 2014

matilda36: (Default)
I have been sleeping a lot these days. in part to recover from my tiredness, in part because of my depression: if i sleep, i don't think.

So i go to bed at 6pm, i am up at 6am to chat with my spiritual brother, back to bed at 8am, where i lay in bed till 10. I say lay in bed because I rarely sleep., i lay in bed thinking and thinking is bad for me.

My thoughts keep spinning and spinning giving me a vertigo of anxiety. One of my worries is something that will not happen till next year and yet keeps spinning like the other plates. work is the biggest plate. Will i keep having a job? Will I find a new, better job? How long I will survive in this job without crashing and burning? Images of my workplace keep flashing in front of my eyes and the same events, the same thoughts bite at my ankles.

But I have to say that these few days off are helping a bit. Just a bit, but a bit. The fact is that I cannot claim sick days because I barely manage to survive with the money I have, with the money I would get of sick pay I could barely pay rent.

I have to say that my manager is very understanding. Or she wouldn't have given me these 4 days. Or maybe my unease has become that visible?

I don't know. I only know that I have today and tomorrow to rest, to read and to sleep, because my night sleep is good and healthy.

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matilda36

October 2014

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