matilda36

I am disgusted with myself. I could easily say that medications dull my senses, but I have always been socially awkward, basically a cold bitch, so there's really no excuse.

This afternoon at work arrives a phone call: one of our colleagues, who had just gone to the bank, had been pushed and robbed by her bag, including most of her properties and the money she was going to deposit.

Now my first instinct in this kind of circumstances is to get very lucid and provide practical solutions. So I did. One dumbest than the other.
When my colleague did come back, worse for wear, but still keeping her spirits up, I hugged her and tried to say the right things, but I left work with the impression I had said all the wrong ones.

I hated myself. I still do. Sometimes I wish I was given the gift of compassion.Probably I am like Sherlock a functioning socipath, only without the genius part.

I have finally managed to overcome all the ills that have befallen me for the last 2 weeks, including a toothache that really was gengivitis. I went out with my friends on Sunday but I think it's gonna be the last time we go out in this formation for a while.

Three of my colleagues got themselves into a mess  of gossips and petty revenges that is on the verge of exploding with unforeseeable consequences.

I think they are all childish idiots  and that they need to grow up, but their lives are so small. Everything revolves around the workplace and they don't see the difference between friendships and work. It's a pretty common mistake, one that only recently I managed to avoid. I go out with my colleagues but we never talk about work. The odd gossip about customers that's normal, but that's it.

With the end of the new series of Sherlock I need new to refresh  my icons. I'll see what I can find. And Tinker Taylor, Soldier, Spy icons. I loved the film. I cannot imagine why the Golden Globes ignored it. Snobbery I think. Gary deserves a prize and Benedict too.

I had some awake mornings and I enjoyed it. Yesterday I had a sleeping morning and enjoyed it all the same. Decisions decisions. Maybe I can alternate?

I have been sick all week. Cold, fever, cough... a textbook flu. I stuffed myself with medines to get out of there and maybe I exceeded, but the point is that now I am feeling better. I'll probably go out with my friends tonight.

I hadn't been so sick since I had pneumonia and for a moment I was a bit scared. What if I had pneumonia again? That was pretty shitty. I spent two weeks basically coughing and raving like a madwoman.

But today I am better. I am gonna go for a nap and then off to work with me.

My beloved goldfish Russel died today after 5 long year of devoted friendship.

May you swim happily in the great oceans of heaven.

Yay! I am gonna spend New Year's eve out with friends. We are just going to our usual restaurant, to eat and laugh, but it has been ages since I went out with friends to celebrate the New Year. And I don't even have to work on the First so I can spend the day sleeping and reading.

Christmas has been good. I ate and drank like a little piglet and I have now quite finished the leftovers. I have just some meat left, but my stomach don't seem to be able to digest meat anymore. I have been nearly vegetarian for  a while and it suits me.

We went to watch the new Sherlock Holmes (the film, not the series that starts on the First. I really hope I'll be able to watch it with chef_hector so we can squee.

He has finally surrendered to his geekdom and we can embrace it together.

I had some grumpiness at work this week. There's one of the managers that doesn't seem to... not not like me, just not knowing what to do with me.

I may have to tell him that even if I am disabled, and even if I have a mental illness, I lead a normal life. I drive a car, live alone, manage my finances ( my dad told me that he was gonna give me cash for Christmas, just wasn't ready for how much cash I wanted), manage my medications, and I am celebrating the triumphant return of coffee that keeps me awake or at least functioning. I have managed my landry, some errands, a lot of paperwork for my father this week. Tomorrow morning my plan is to start dusting to keep up with my cleaning house project.

I am a bit frantic today... but I just found out that maybe and I repeat maybe I can use yahoo on my phone. More time to chat with my bro

I think I have already complained here of all the hours that I waste sleeping. The fact is that I need them. When I don't spend my morning sleeping I am a zombie all afternoon and I just can't wait to go to sleep.  The only reason behind this sleepiness can be amount of medication I take.

The fact is that I can't mess with my medication, each one part of a delicate balance, so I am gonna try something different: coffee.

I had to give up coffee some months ago because it wasn't working well with Zoloft. Now I don't take Zoloft anymore so I am gonna try. Just one cup in the morning, when I wake up.

Just to see if I can manage to put up the Christmas decorations.

Good day. My dad told me that he plans on giving me cash for Christmas (exactly what I wanted) and that I can have the winter tyres that I need. Or better want. Or need I don't know. I know that I am a bit nervous about driving in snow and ice without.

Now that after yesterday explanation know that I am gonna have some money to spend for the next two months, I am much happier. I was a bit worried.

I spent the morning buying food. And eating it. But with grace.

I spent the afternoon in bed with the Deathly Hallows. The book is so much better than the film. I cried through most of the final chapters.

And now I am off to bed trying to beat insomnia. Trying to be happy makes me toss and turn

My paranoia is reaching top level. I have this idea stuck in my brain that the people at work that I considered friends, now hate me for a motive that I don't know. Little things, oh so many little things that are eating at my brain....

And Monday I am back to work. Just in time to finish Half Blood Prince (I have less than 100 pages left so tonight it will be done) and start Deadly Hollows. And eat another giant cupcake. I may consider it for dinner tonight.

Last night I was in bed by 6, curled up under the covers with peanuts M& M and my book. Watching the film is not enough you have to read the books or you'll end up not understanding a lot of things, like... Who's Grindenwald?

Tonight no eraly night I am watching X Factor, live. Tomorrow morning is my last nap of the holiday and then we go back to normal thank Godddess